(This post is a follow-up to Confessions of a Tired Baby: How to Get Your Child to Sleep. While this is a helpful tool separately, you can visit the link above to learn more.)
The best time to put a baby down for sleep is while they are very drowsy but BEFORE they are asleep. If your child is used to rocking or feeding to sleep they will expect/need you to do this every time they wake during the night. Most people wake, possibly several times a night, needing to roll over, adjust their pillow, find their teddy bear, etc. to get back to sleep. If you want your child to sleep through the night they need to develop the self-soothing skills required to do these things, on their own.
This process can be difficult for parents because there will likely be some fussing and crying while they are figuring it out. The older/more verbal they are, the harder it tends to be to let them struggle through it. But, just as with any skill they will have to develop: walking, dressing themselves, using a fork, etc. they will need lots of practice, for you to trust that they can do it, and for you to give them the time and space they need by not stepping in to do it for them. This is not to say that there aren't things you can do to support them. We will cover that.
Depending on your child's temperament, they may insist on figuring it out on their own and get frustrated with the help you are trying to give. Be sure to listen to their verbal and non-verbal communications when dealing with sleep, and all other matters.
To start
get an idea of when they are regularly tired each night (by paying attention to their subtle signs)
plan to begin a bedtime routine with enough time to get through it before they are ready to sleep. If you want to do a bath, story time, songs while rocking, etc. make sure to start early enough so that they can be engaged throughout.
If they are getting fussy during normally enjoyable activities, not engaging during stories they love, or arching their backs and squirming while rocking. These are all signs that they are ready to move on and/or be put down for the night.
It is better to put them down too early and let them hang out in the crib than to put them down too late. (Our bodies produce more adrenaline and cortisol when we are overtired which makes it difficult to wind down and fall/stay asleep.)
Once you are sure your baby's needs are all met (full belly, dry diaper, comfortable clothing) you can put them down, drowsy but not asleep or exhausted, and walk away feeling confident that they will eventually fall asleep. The longer they have had help in the past, the more time it will likely take them, at least at first, to fall asleep.
This is possible for every family! While some parents may choose to let their child “cry it out” (crying is not harmful to a child and is believed to flush out stress hormones and other toxins, activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps the body rest and digest, and restore emotional equilibrium) other parents may need a gentler method. If you simply can't imagine letting your child cry for more than 10 seconds, let alone 30 minutes, you can still help your child learn the important skill of self-soothing.
The process for making sleep progress:
Once you put your tired child down, walk out of the room and let them attempt to work it out. If you feel that you need to go back in, at any time, wait as long as possible and do as little as needed in order to calm them.
(I highly recommend having a stopwatch on hand when starting this process. 30 seconds of listening to a child struggle can feel like 30 minutes!)
Start with 3 minutes or more (or as much as you can handle) between check-ins and attempt to increase the child's “trying” time by 2 minutes each time.
You can try shushing them firmly initially. If this is enough to interrupt their crying, leave it at that. You can escalate to patting their bottom or even picking them up if necessary. (Use discretion here. For many children, parental involvement can be stimulating rather than calming.)
It may take many attempts, especially the first night or two, particularly if they are older and have been being rocked/fed to sleep longer. Don't give up! Going back to old patterns after attempting this can cause more difficulty going forward and can communicate to your child that you don't believe in their ability to learn this new skill.
Hang in there. A few nights of working on sleep will lead to a lifetime of better sleep for you, your child, and your household. Keep in mind, a rested parent is a better parent so you are helping your child in more ways than one by teaching them to sleep on their own going forward.
If you need any guidance, support, or encouragement on this journey, Mindful Family Management is here to help! We offer in-person and online coaching to assist families with early communication skills and developmental milestones (including sleep!) Whether you need help creating a plan, implementing your plan, or staying motivated with a little accountability, we're here for you every step of the way. Sleep can once again be the restful, rejuvenating retreat that it is meant to be! Contact us now for a FREE consultation.
(Reminder: This post is a follow-up to Confessions of a Tired Baby: How to Get Your Child to Sleep. While this is a helpful tool separately, you can visit the link above to learn more.)
Comments